this tastes like a loaded gun

hhmm.

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 22:33:32 GMT

i no longer live with my parents. i have a super cute apartment in arbor lakes with a super cute cat with my super cute boyfriend. i never leave and i always hang out in my underwear. its great. i got a christmas tree the other day and my cat likes to chew on it. the sucky thing is my family is going to flordia this winter. we haven't gone on a family vacation in so long and they finally decide to after i move out. grrr.

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 05:12:56 GMT

so me and scott are taking a break (it was my idea).. i'm just not happy and i need some time to grow up on my own and discover somethings... i also just wanna have a little ruthless fun for awhile... i hope im not making a big mistake and i hope when i finally make up my mind he still be waiting for me like he said

anyways off the sad stuff i'm getting my car in a week or so my daddy just has to fix the brakes and some stuff like that..i'm excited... i actually hung out with colin twice in the pass week over at my brothers it has been the first time ive seen him in over a year...oh yeah i have to stop smoking to get my car and if my dad catches me smoking hes gonna take it away...poopy

Tue, 25 May 2004 01:09:21 GMT

my best friend is now going out with my brother..weird

Tue, 18 May 2004 15:49:31 GMT

OPEN HOUSE FOR ARIAN
May 23 (this sunday)
2-4:30 p.m.
at first united methodist church of middlebury
(the big white on main street)

Wed, 05 May 2004 02:30:43 GMT

my grandpa that lived next door to me died tonight. him and my grandma were on their way home from the dentist and they got hit practiacally straight on by a semi. my grandpa died instantly and my grandma is in the hospital with broken ribs, shoulder and a punchered lung. its so fucked up i was just over at their house before they went to the dentist to bring them my senior pictures and my grandpa was complaining about getting his tooth pulled and teasing me as usual. he was in his early seventies but was as healthy as a horse and worked for my uncle's pool company digging holes and stuff. i don't know what my grandma is gonna do she would sit around the house all day watching her soaps just waiting for my grandpa to get home from work. i can't imagine losing my love of over fifty years, especially it been so unexpected. it may be different if he was cooped up in the hospital dying of some disease and you had time to coprehend his time was coming to an end but nope in a split second he was gone. i really dont even know what to write i'm still in the shock stage of it all.

i love you

Sun, 25 Apr 2004 05:35:41 GMT

so i went to the first and last frat party of my entire life tonight. it pretty much the lamest thing ever. it was at some college called "tri-state universtiy" one of scotts friends wanted us to go. it took like an hour to get there and it sucked so bad we stayed for only a half on hour. maybe part of the reason it was so lame was the fraternity seemed to be the kind that accepts all the people that can't get into normal frats. and the fucking floor was cement in their basement and my pants are soaked two inches from the bottom of the leg because the floor was drenched in beer. and me and scott both aren't good with strangers or large groups of people and it doesnt help that the only person we knew there ditched us after thirty seconds to try and get laid..

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 23:04:47 GMT

so my favorite cat in the world besides Roxxannee had to be put to sleep today. she got really sick and today she could hardly walk and she lost a bunch of weight so we took her to the vet and it turned out that she was anemic and the only way to save her was a blood transfiusion. but she was so sick that the vet said that probably wouldn't even save her so we decided to put her to sleep so she wouldnt have to suffer. she was the most beautiful cat in the world her name was Cleo and she had long white hair with tan and gray splotches on her face and tail and ice blue eyes. and she would always walk up to you and stop like a foot from you and plop to the ground and roll over on her back so she could get her belly rubbed. and to make today even worse i believe my conches are infected. they were fine for the first week and a half but now they are all red and sore and icky. i wanna take them out cuz they hurt. but also it hurt so bad when i got them done i kinda don't want to take them because it would be all for nothing.

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 22:48:40 GMT

the firemen found my dear roxannee and chingy today.. and they were ALIVE!!!!!!! that makes me super happy

mancinos pizza is the best. me and brandon just ordered a large one and its almost gone already.

my brother is gonna come drink some beer with me tonight at scotts cuz we have too much and we need to get rid of some.

damn

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 15:52:15 GMT

so my brother has been living in his apartment for around two weeks. just bought a bunch of kick ass vintage furniture and stuff. took my favorite cat Roxxannne (you have to say it like the police song)over there too. well last night one of the other people on his floor apartment caught on fire and now every apartment on his floor is pretty much destroyed. and Roxanne is nowhere to be found either. i hope chingy the chinnchilua is ok. it definetly sucks because my brother was so happy and he kept buying stuff for it and it was starting to look really badass and now its pretty much all gone. im just glad my brother got out ok b/c usually he can sleep through anything and he was sleeping on the floor and heard weird noises so he woke up when usually he would just roll over and go back to bed. geez

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 16:36:36 GMT

plans for the evening:
go to hooters
go to brothers
get drunk
spend the night at scotts
have load of fun

i'm having a b-day party at my brother's. and my other brother showed up out of the blue from kentucky this morning. so it will be a grand time

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 17:53:16 GMT

so brandon is moving in with scott now. not really looking forward to that. i was definetly suppose to move in with him but yeah i guess that ain't gonna happen. i think i wanna move in with my brother. but if i did i would probably be the second biggest drunk in the world.

i got a cellie for my b-day. for some reason you have to dial the area code before you can call me. 1.574.302.0025

holy nigger shit

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 01:31:00 GMT

so i cut off all my hair today. it feels so weird. i swear i lost like ten pounds. i donated like a foot of it to that locks for love place. i like it. alot.

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 02:27:48 GMT

yesterday me teresa scott and brandon went fishing. we went at it for like three hours and didn't get a single bite. and then we went to scotts. earlier that morning scott and brandon shot three rabbits and they decided to make them for dinner. they left the dead corposes sitting in the sink full of water all day and it was disgusting. after that we went to see my brothers new apartment. its pretty sweet. i got pretty drunk and shaved this matt kids head with a razor and then i dropped it down the garbage disposile. and then i puked off my brothers balcony. and then wonderful sober scott drove mine , teresa and brandon's drunk asses home. my brother gave me a styrfom cup to puke in on the way home but luckily i didnt have to use it.

and then today me, T, S and B (hey i got sick of typing out the names) went and played basketball, waded in the river, and went fishing at riverbend. me and teresa caught a bullfrog. and then we went to scotts and grilled some steak. and now i am here drinking ice-tea.

you are the roots beneath my feet

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 12:07:22 GMT

so lately i have seriously gone crazy. i havent sleep in like three days and i have gone to work the past two and i'm suppose to be at work in about five minutes. but i'm quitting. this morning around five after another night of no sleep i went on a walk for about an hour and ended up at scott's. suprisingly he didnt bitch at me about quitting my job. and then i came home and got bitched at by my mom.whoa what a suprise. i'm hoping that my dad will let me move in with him. i go to take my driving test in two weeks. my new medication makes me sicker then a dog and tuesday i'm getting all my hair cut off. and i started smoking again

4 days till the b-day

uggg

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 12:48:37 GMT

last night i drank to much tequila. i haven't felt this bad in years. and i can't sleep b/c im at scott's and both him and brandon are freaks and they keep talking in their sleep. teresa was gonna spend the night too but she went home at like 4 am.

Sat, 20 Mar 2004 01:06:16 GMT

i definetly have the most boringest life ever now. wake up around 5:30 putz around until i got to work at 7 and then slave around until 3 and then come home and shower and go to scotts and lay around until like nine and then come home and go to bed and then wake up and repeat. i really really hate working saturday mornings. it fucks up my entire weekend. like not being able to have beavis and butthead parties.

i have to go to the doctor on wednesday. my mom and scott both think i need to go b/c i worry extremely to much about everything and anything and an constantly making myself sick from it. i think i'm fine.

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 20:28:53 GMT

i started my new job today. it wasn't as bad as i had invisioned. i cut up brocoli, filled little plastic cups with sour cream and took the foods temperature and filled plates. the worst thing about it is the smell. when i came home today i recked of broiled chicken.

my daddy is gonna give me his car for a graduation present or help me pay for one (so basically i'd spend like 500 hundred and he'd spend the rest) now all i need is my liscense

my birthday is 23 days. and then i'm gonna get the heck out of here....and move across the street...yeah!!

Ich fucking hast das essenhaus

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 02:25:18 GMT

so i got a job then at the essenhaus as a grill cook or something along the line of that. i don't wanna work there at all. especially not in the kitchen. i started to cry when i got home b/c i don't wanna go back there ever. i start monday morning at 7 and i'm gonna start working full time in a few weeks and after 18 i believe i have to go in at five in the fucking morning. definetly gonna keep looking for a job and just keep this piece of shit until i find a new one

so did anyone else hear about liv tyler and casey affleck filming a movie in goshen?

Tue, 02 Mar 2004 00:42:47 GMT

i have a job interview tommorow...at the essenhaus. how incredibly not sweet that is. i don't really have any desire to work there but if i do get the job at least everyone will get off my back. i put down that i wanted to do housekeeping in the inn and that would be kinda neat b/c i like to clean and its just a bunch of old people that stay there so they can be too messy unless they have bad bowel problems or someother kind of illness where weird fluids come out of their bodies.. hmm

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 03:31:32 GMT

your not suppose to make me feel like this. when i'm with you you make me feel about as attractive as a the elephantman. i'm sorry that i'm not up to your standards. i'm sorry that i don't have big fake breast and a perfect body. i'm suprised you haven't caused me to become bulimic or something. god i hate the way you make me feel about myself. i'm perfectly comfortable about myself until you come around.

Sun, 01 Feb 2004 05:42:12 GMT

today at hacienda my drunkish new uncle asked me what i wanted to do now that i finished high school. i told him i didn't really know but i wanted to live in chicago. he replies "you could pry makes some good money stripping up there" and then my stepdad who was also drinking said "hey theres an idea and you can practice on the pole in the basement"

does that seem weird to anyone else?

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 23:09:24 GMT

i found out that my dad smokes pot from this crazy old dude named dick that lives by me.

i got a new hamster yesterday and his name is dexter. and we put dexter in the cage with good old nipples and nipples chased him around the cage and it looked like she was trying to rape him. and then they attacked each other. it turns out that those kind of hamster aren't suppose to live together and if they do they usually end up killing each other. good thing the guy at the store didn't tell us that.

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 19:14:48 GMT

today my mom made me help her clean the house because my brother is finally coming home friday (but probably won't be able to b/c of the weather)i don't see why it has to be clean. my brother is the messyiest? kid in the world and considering the fact he spent the last year in a foreign country i don't think he is really gonan care what the house looks like when he comes home.

i really want to go sledding or snowmobling and the only person that will go with me is my sister, but she isn't any fun. i love the fact that now i'm done with school we have a whole week full of 2-hr delays and snow days.

my hamster escaped from her cage two nights in a row. the other day i smeared ky jelly all over part of her cage because she was trying to escape and after a few failed attempts she just started to lick it off. and then she ate her own shit.

i love you

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 21:43:06 GMT

i feel like such an outcast... everyone else goes to work or school all day and i just sit around at home watching tv and hanging out with my mom
i did go job hunting today so maybe i will get lucky...but i doubt it cuz nobody is hiring anywhere it seems.

schools out forever....tommorow

Fri, 09 Jan 2004 01:52:56 GMT

tommorow is my last day. i got all my papers signed today so its completely final as long as i don't flunk any classes. but i'm not worried cuz i have an A in everything and i don't think my government final can bring me down that bad even if i bomb it. next week i think i'm just gonna kick back and relax and then i will start looking for a job. and if i don't find a job my mom said i will officially become the maid. grrr

i'm not ready for this. i don't have a job, a liscense, and no plans for the future. i should have just gone all year. but i don't think i can handle it anymore. it gets harder and harder to go everyday even though i've been going for thirteen years you think i would get use to it by now. i've dreamed of this day ever since i was born and i know tommrow when i walk out of the school for the last time i'm gonna break down.

somebody should throw me a huge party. yeah???? my boyfriend is taking me out to dinner and then i'm hanging out with teresa when she gets off work and we will pry drink some. but we will pry also die b/c that would be our luck to die on the last day of high school.